Lead Singers
Q: Why is a LEAD SINGER like a cheap cigar?
A: It's a piece of crap with a
band wrapped around it!
Q: If Hitler, Stalin and a LEAD SINGER
all walked into a the room where you were standing, and you had a gun with only two bullets, who would you shoot first?
A: The LEAD SINGER....Twice!
Q: What's the difference between God and the LEAD SINGER?
A: God knows he's not the LEAD
SINGER!
Q: What's the ideal weight for
a LEAD SINGER?
A:
...about 2 1/2 lbs, including the urn!
Lead
Guitarists
Q:
How many BASS PLAYERS does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six: one to change it, and the other five to fight off the LEAD GUITARIST who is
hogging the light!
Q: What do guitar solo's and premature
ejaculation have in common?
A: You know it's coming and there's nothing you can do about it!
Q: How do you know when the stage is level?
A: The LEAD GUITARIST is drooling out of both sides of his
mouth!
Q: In the 22nd Century, how many LEAD
GUITARISTS will it take to replace a light source?
A: Five - One to actually do it, and four to reminisce about how much better the old tubes were!
Q: What do a vacuum cleaner and a LEAD GUITARIST have
in common?
A:
Both suck when you plug them in!
Bass Players
Q: What's the difference between
a BASS PLAYER and the rear end of a horse?
A: I don't know either!
Q:
What's the difference between a BASS PLAYER and a terrorist?
A: A terrorist has sympathizers!
Q: What's the difference between a BASS PLAYER and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!
Q: Why don't BASS PLAYERS ever catch a cold?
A: Even a virus has some pride!
Q: How do you get a BASS PLAYER out of a tree?
A: Cut the noose!
Q: What do you call a BASS PLAYER with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: How many BASS PLAYERS does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One - but the LEAD GUITARIST has
to show him first!
Drummers
Q:
Why do DRUMMERS leave their sticks on the dashboard?
A: So they can park in the handicapped zone!
Q: If you throw a DRUMMER and a BASS PLAYER off a tall building, who'll hit the
ground first?
A:
Who cares?
Q: What's the difference between
a DRUMMER and Dr. Scholl's footpads?
A: Dr. Scholls Buck up the Feet!
Q:
What did the DRUMMER get on his IQ test?
A: Drool!
Q: What's the difference between
a DRUMMER and a drum machine?
A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once!
Q: Did you hear about the BASS PLAYER who locked his keys in the car?
A: He had to break the window to get
the DRUMMER out!
Q: Why are set breaks typically no
more then 20 minutes?
A:
So that they don't have to retrain the DRUMMER!
Q: How many DRUMMERS does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "Why? Oh Wow! It's like dark in here!"
Q: Why can't a gorilla play DRUMS?
A: Gorillas are too sensitive!
Q: How can you tell if a DRUMMER is dead?
A: The wine bottle is still full and
the comics haven't been touched!
